You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
