how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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