I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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