And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize