DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
