i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
