I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
