It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
