I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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