what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
