We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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