Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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