it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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