if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
