There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
