I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
