i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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