my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize