They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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