Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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