I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i think im in europe. pls send help
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
