Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
