I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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