Your face is a jimmy john
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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