Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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