my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
