And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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