You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am naked and annoyed.
Enjoy the penises
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
