So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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