i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
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Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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