oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Randomize
