She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.