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• (949): View more from California

  I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous

  (269): View more from Michigan

  If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.

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• (852): View more from

  I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.

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• (956): View more from Texas

  Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?

  (475): View more from Connecticut

  I'll be right over.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.

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