where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
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this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.