I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
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YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.