I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
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So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.