my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?