Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
