He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it was like eating out sand paper
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden