dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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