Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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