At least make sure they are 18
Why
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
