You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
vagina is talking i cant
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
