All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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