Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
