I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
