you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
