I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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