I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
