I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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