Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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