You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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