dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
