Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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