Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
false alarm, still single
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