trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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