areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am midnight drunk by noon
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
