he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
