she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
