Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
