oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
