the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
