I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
