We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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