My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
