So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You are the jesus of drinking
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
