I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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