"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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