I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
