I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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