You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize