So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
