you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
