im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
