I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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