Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
