so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
