I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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