Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
