she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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