Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
