I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
