4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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