I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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