I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize