I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize