Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind