so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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