I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.